I am the mother of a 9 year old with FAE. She was diagnosed when she was 5, we always knew that something was different about her, but we didn't know what.

    Desarai came to us as a foster child, she has two biological sisters one older and one younger that do not seem to have any effects from prenatal exposure.

    Desarai was a very hard to handle child. She was aggressive, lacked a conscience, no ability to tell right from wrong. She was never a loving, snuggle child she did not seem to care about anything. She was always in trouble we called her our "time out queen". Then we asked her why she did that ( what ever it was that got her in to trouble ) she would say "I don't know" we would explain why she can't do that and why it was wrong then we would have her repeat it back to us, then she would leave the time out and do the same thing again. We thought she was just testing us, seeing if we would still love her no matter what she did.

    She went to therapeutic preschool at age 4 to "teach her right from wrong" that did nothing but got us more frustrated, because we could not figure out why these methods were not working.

    We finally got a diagnosis of FAE, but did not get any literature or education on this disability, so we went the medication route. Desarai has been on about 30 different meds in a one year span. Nothing seemed to help so the Doctor would alter her prescription at each monthly visit, she was either so groggy that she could not function or she was so anxious that she could not sit still, there was no happy medium ( or miracle cure).

    I finally "got it" that I can't change my child, but I can adjust her environment to meet her needs. I took her off all medication and really looked at her as a person with a disability, someone who can't always control their behavior or actions, and not someone who is just testing me.

    We looked at Desarai's environment and changed what we could we took her out of public school, she was having trouble in school. She did not qualify for any services because "she was to smart" she was unable to do all of the work at their pace so she would have to stay in at recess, she still would not get done so she would miss another recess, by that time she was already so anxious that she could not do the work anyway. All of her papers were graded in red (usually all wrong) she went into a deep depression, she would come home from school and sleep until dinner, then maybe eat something, vomit and then go back to sleep. She did this for the whole 3rd grade school year. It was one of the worst times of my life I did not know what to do for her. We put her in private school thinking things would be better for her. That lasted for 3 months, we started to see the cycle repeat its self. That scared me enough to take the plunge and we stared home schooling. If someone would have told me all I had to do was remove the problem ( public school ) and alot of Desarai's problems would also be removed I would have never believed them.

     It has only been a few months since we stared, but I am starting to see my daughter come back, the one who was positive, smiled and didn't sleep all the time. I heard a strange laugh come from her mouth and I realized I have never heard herd her laugh before, she always had a strange noise she made but it was not a laugh.

     I think it will take along time to get rid of all of her anxieties, but each day we peel some layers away. There are still off days, but we can adjust are schedule to those. I think its all about adjusting your life to meet their needs because they are not able to adjust to us. I have learned to pick my battles wisely something's are just not worth the fight.

     My daughter can really test my patients at times, but when I slow down enough to really look at her and who she is, I realize she is just trying to survive in a world that dose not always understand her, and dose not care to.