| A little about Judy Cropp |
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder (FAS/ARND) is a physical handicapping condition that manifests itself in behaviors and learning. When I first got into this field, my assumption was that if I read extensive research articles and attended various conferences on FAS/ARND, I could easily make the connection between brain and behavior. What I didn’t account for was the fact that numerous personal issues would surface and these would alter my learning curve.
I can remember the first time that I heard information about prenatal alcohol exposure effecting the developing brain of a fetus. The memory is so vivid that I can picture what time of year it was, where in a vast auditorium I was seated, and the smell the building had. I can easily recall who was sitting next to me and the expression on her face. My first thought was: "Wow, how interesting this information is and I want to learn more about this condition". The next few months I spent hours poring over research articles and attending conferences throughout the country.
It wasn’t until I began designing and conducting workshops on FAS/ARND that I started thinking about the alcohol I consumed during at least two of my three pregnancies. I began making connections between this behavior and the struggles my two older daughters had during their adolescence. Two of my daughters have undergone substance abuse treatment and I feared that many of their struggles were due to my drinking during their pregnancies. All of a sudden, guilt feelings began rising to the surface and I questioned my ability to educate about abstinence during pregnancy.
These experiences forced me to ‘think outside the box’ and to realize that there was a parallel between my personal issues and my professional life. Hearing and incorporating information about FAS/ARND is a process that will continue to develop throughout my career.
As part of this process, I began to suspect that my daughter used substances during her pregnancies. In the next few months, more guilt started to surface. I was traveling around the state lecturing about FAS/ARND and talking to others about how important it was to openly discuss substance abuse during pregnancy. Here I was, suggesting that people do the very thing I couldn’t talk to my own daughter about.
As I look back on this situation, I realized that I was collecting more articles and books regarding FAS/ARND and taking these materials home with me. From time to time, this information was lying on the kitchen table when my daughter would drop by the house. What amazed me was that she would ask questions about the content of the materials and I could give her information in a non-threatening way.
Even though she received information about FAS/ARND, I kept skirting around a direct conversation. Fear connected to talking with my daughter was a hard barrier to cross. As a mother, I was so scared of her rejecting me that I was unable to bring up the subject. I knew in my head that I needed to talk with her, but I let my own denial flourish and prevent me from continuing. I kept telling myself that the usage wasn’t that bad and didn’t get in the way of her ability to parent or to physically and emotionally take care of herself.
The guilt surrounding my own fear kept escalating during the presentations and the consulting I did while working for a substance abuse prevention agency. My feelings were overwhelming. I was so afraid that a horrid confrontation would take place and part of my family would be out of my life. I was scared that the relationship between my daughter and me would dissipate and she would never speak to me again.
The one thing that helped me process through this guilt was my ability to talk with my colleagues. We talked about how timing is important and how crucial that very thing is to the success of an intervention. The more I processed my circumstances, the easier it was to develop alternative ways to intervene in my daughter’s life. My bringing home information regarding prenatal exposure was a non-threatening way to begin getting information to her. In this way, she could inquire about prenatal exposure and in turn, hear what I was saying and not feel endangered by it.
I don’t remember the exact moment, but eventually my daughter started talking about the substance abuse during her pregnancies. I do clearly recall what a relief it was to be able to talk about what was going on in our lives. To my astonishment, our relationship has gotten stronger.
Many times, my daughter and I see things differently. Because we now have an open relationship, we usually find a way to continue talking about our varying viewpoints. Agreement might not be reached AND we are still speaking to each other.
I look back at the course of events, both personal and professional, and they happened exactly as they were supposed to. I attribute the successes of my personal and professional lives to these processes. Successful assimilation of the information about FAS/ARND is a course that takes time and involves realizing that there is a parallel between personal issues and professional lives. Patience with this process is difficult for me and requires a reminder from a co-worker many times throughout each week